Fan Made Godzilla 2014 Sequel Script (PART 1)

My father is a technical writer, and has drilled the best and worst of the English language into me since I was a child. So if I sound a bit harsh at times, I apologize. I'm just being blunt with you about what I see as someone who takes writing very seriously. Also, my following critique is meant to help you, not hurt you. So again, I will be blunt and honest, and it's going to sound harsh at times. But be aware, it's just me being me. I'm not attacking your work.

So with that out of the way, I'll begin my critique.

First and foremost, the script seems rather forced, and your spelling and grammar needs work.

Even if it's a fan script, if you want people to read and enjoy it then you need to make it as professional looking as possible. So I'd recommend cleaning it up A.S.A.P.

The dialogue is rather flat and boring. Ford saying "He saved us all.He cannot be antihero" makes absolutely no sense, as the concept of Godzilla being an anti-hero was only for our (the audience of the movie in theater's) edification to understand where Godzilla stood between the MUTO's and mankind. Ford will not care one way or the other about whether he's a "hero," "villain," or "antihero." So mentioning "antihero" was pointless and only served to lose me as a reader right away. I'd recommend dropping that line or changing it to something more simple such as Ford saying "He saved our city. What more do you want from him?"

That line would be much more direct and practical for a script, as well as being more realistic dialogue.

Moving on to the next section, why is the Oppenheimer thing there? If you wanted to use the unnamed creature from the 2012 teaser (whose name is NOT Vishnu, for those keeping track), then you could have just described it and provided the picture. There is no point in using Oppenheimer, as his speech was made in the 40's/50's when Godzilla didn't even exist. That speech was just for the teaser to set the mood, not to provide us with actual dialogue or reference to the events of the film itself. So that has no business being there to be honest. Again, I'd recommend ditching it because it serves absolutely no purpose.

Mentioning the creature's length, and saying "only ten feet less than Gojira" is also superfluous and unnecessary. If you confirm its length, then that's great. Godzilla's exact height was never mentioned in the film nor referenced or confirmed to the best of our knowledge. It was only confirmed for our edification as an audience going to see the movie in theaters. Adding a detail like that is not needed to bring the point home that its a BIG creature.

Mentioning the differences between it and MUTO's are alright, but saying it doesn't have glowing eyes isn't necessary. Just say "it has a very different biology" and you'll get your point across just fine.

The next line of dialogue, "We should discover it." Completely useless. If the creature is known, and measured even, then it has already been discovered and that line is redundant.

Next section contains a few inconsistencies that should be addressed. The first is that if Vishnu's already dead, why would Godzilla want to find it? He's got nothing to gain by searching for it. Next is how it died and why? Also, why is it highly radioactive? Was Godzilla responsible? If so, when did that take place and why? The next big inconsistency is how and why are the MUTO's suddenly back and capable of laying eggs when they were both killed by Godzilla already? Are there more? If so, you should mention that sooner before suddenly talking about creatures that the audience is perceiving to be dead.

Putting the name "Talaghan" in there was cute, but is also part of that "forced" concept I mentioned before. That name does not actually belong to anything, and is nothing but a fanmade name for a monster that never made it into the movie or franchise in general. Using the name might be kind of fun, but it's ultimatley got no meaning to say it has a name like that. If it's dead, what do we care what it was formerly called? Right now, it's dead. That's the most important detail of that section. Not its previous name.

Next section has "MUTO Junior." Really? To Godzilla fans, the reference to Godzilla Junior is cute, but rather contrived. Just call it an adolenscent and we'll all understand what you're taling about. The infant stage, adolescent stage, and final stage are more than enough to get the point across in a professional and more realistic manner.

The next section has some more questionable dialogue. "If Gojira is still friendly." He's NOT friendly to mankind. He was more focused on the MUTOs, yes, but he was most certainly not worried about humankind. If he was, would have been more careful with his approach to Hawaii, because that tsunami he caused easily killed thousands of people trying to run for their lives in the streets and in the first couple floors of those flooded buildings. So no, he's not friendly. He's indifferent.

"Gojira make`s his way to Hawaii! his coming exactly where Vishnu Is!" Why? You said Vishnu is dead, so why does Godzilla care? Is it really because of Vishnu, or is it because of the MUTO headed there? You should clarify that.

Next section: When godzilla was heading way to millitary, Gojira also didn`t reacted to them.Which revealed that Gojira is Still HERO!

No, he's not a hero. He just doesn't care. Again, he's indifferent to humanity because they pose no threat to him.

And the final line mentioned that there was one MUTO egg laid near Vishnu. How did the MUTO get passed Godzilla to lay that egg, and how did Godzilla not find the egg and destroy it before the MUTO could do anything about it? You need to think about these things in more detail if you want to pass this as a credible script and make it believable and engaging for an audience.

In conclusion,

The numerous lapses in logic will drive most readers insane, not to mention the lack of spelling and grammar. Most will simply close the window and never give your script a second thought, as it will not be engaging or interesting to sophisticated readers. Again, if you want this to do well and receive attention, you need to clean it up and start making it look more professional. Regardless of your age, making a script look good is not a difficult task. So take some time to think about these things and make your needed adjustments to it.

Right now (Remember I'm just being honest. I'm not trying to attack your work, but as someone who takes writing seriously this is my only honest conclusion and comment) the "script," if you can call it that versus a very short and hastily written story, is boring.

Your heart is in the right place, and you seem to have done your best to come up with something fun. But in the end that's not enough to engage the people who you want to see it and enjoy it. If you want to get it some serious attention from readers, take it seriously. Some of the fans here might read it and say "you did a good job," but that they're just being nice. Many people are afraid of being honest and up front with others who have put something like this together because they don't want to break spirits or hurt any feelings, and so they sugar coat what they say and give encouragement. But ultimately that does nothing for you in the real world.

Despite how mean some of this sounds, I'm trying to help you.

If you want this script to become something that people can read and say "That was actually pretty good. I wonder how that would look if it were actually a movie," then you have to put more effort into it than this. Right now it's going to get a few people to click on it out of curiosity, but once they start reading they're going to just move on due to the spelling problems and the lack of a more interesting and original story. It's pretty contrived and forced right now, and almost none of the ideas or story sequences really sound like they're coming from you. They sound like they're coming from someone who's trying to force an abandoned monster concept into a new film and keep the old MUTO's going while never giving them anything real to do.

So if this hasn't killed any spirits, take another crack at it. Take the time to clean up the spelling and grammar and make it look more like a real script. As it stands, it doesn't even look like a script. If you need references as to what movie scripts look like, they're all over the internet.

So good luck, and keep at it.